That's what Debbie Cave, good friend and former student, said when she sent me this link to the 'Uncyclopedia' entry for 'Geologist'. As an erstwhile geologist, I can vouch for the article's 'veracity'.
A sample (the photo caption:' A geologist, outstanding in his field.'):
Geologists are 'scientists' with an unnatural obsession with geology (rocks and alcohol). Often too intelligent to do monotonous sciences like biology, chemistry, or physics, geologists devote their time to mud-worrying, volcano poking, fault finding, bouldering, dust-collecting, and high-risk coloring.
One of the main difficulties in communicating with geologists is their belief that a million years is a short amount of time and their heads are harder than rocks. Consequently, such abstract concepts as "Tuesday Morning" and Lunchtime are completely beyond their comprehension. (This difficulty generates problems particularly when dealing with the girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse and attempting to explain why you were "gone for so long" or why something is taking "so long to occur.").
So how can you spot a geologist in the wild? Here are just a few of the ways:
Hand-lens, compass, pen-knife, handcuffs etc. tied round neck with string.
Someone with a beard and Sandals... Jesus was a Geologist (actually, carpenters back then were also stonemasons, so there is some truth to that statement)
Someone who owns a pet rock and is not eight (in the case of paleontologists, this will be their closest friend), with said 'pet' often found hanging from keys.
Someone with not much enthusiasm on the subject of dinosaurs. Geologists consider an event a 'mass' extinction only if 80% of the living organisms die and get buried in sediment for conservation.
Someone explaining to airport security that a sidewall core covered in gunpowder residue isn't really a weapon.
Someone who only includes people in photos for scale, and has more pictures of his/her rock hammer and lens caps than of family and friends.
Some who, if they could travel to Jupiter's moon, Io, would think the coolest part about it was the volcanoes and not the space travel.
Someone with a collection of beer cans/bottles that rivals the size of his rock collection.
Someone lighting a cigarette with a handlens focussing the sunlight, or a coat hanger stretched between the battery terminals of a University van.
Someone who brings beer instead of water when hiking.Someone whose shorts expose way more leg than you ever wanted to see.
Someone who rocks the party and is the schist everywhere they go.
Someone who can say, "Gneiss Cleavage" or talks about slaty cleavage and means it in a non-derogatory sense.
Bad Geology 101 jokes:
Student: What kind of rock is that?
Geology Teaching Assistant: Leaverite.
Student: Should I collect a sample?
Geology TA: No, leave 'er right there.
Student: What kind of rock is that?
Geology TA: Lovestone.
Student: What's lovestone?
Geology TA: Just another f***ing rock!
All true. Ask your friendly neighborhood geologist about beer....they will provide an hours' long treatise on brewing, fermenting, flavoring, tasting, methods of taking along on long field trips, etc. etc.
Posted by: Janine W | Wednesday, 31 December 2008 at 02:15 PM